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| Collected wisdom from my Return groups during this time. |
But this week, as most of the United States and Canada has dramatically adjusted to COVID-19's impact, and my students from all over the world - really, all over the world - have reported in via live classes, and as I have watched and read social media and news media, there are some trends and insights I hope will be helpful for me to share here*.
Plus, at the end of this post, I share a link to a half hour audio practice called "Four Step Practice: Embracing the Energy of Emotions" from Karuna Training, which I offered for free on Sunday, March 22 on Zoom.
The biggest thing I have resonated with in other people's postings, and my own observations, is that this pandemic is triggering old trauma responses for a lot of us. I am not the only person to notice this; it's been powerful to see people name it and offer free access ti practices - like TRE - which can help work with these responses at the root.
Though generally my basic trauma response is flight**, I found a week ago that, as my new 'schedule' began, that my current response has been to freeze. I checked in with a family member who has also worked for themselves, and as we chatted, we realized we were both still in pajamas at 2pm, despite having a history of knowing how to structure our own time. It was as if we forgot all we know. This is shock. This is "freeze" as trauma response.
Over the week I have thawed. I am awed by my work, as it often helps soften me when I overburden. My frozen response is a control response - an attempt to hold the situation tightly so no one gets harmed, on my clock at least. But once I realized that's what my nervous system was up to, later in the week, I finally let it go. I am gradually relaxing on some deep level, which is a lot given this impossible situation.
And that's the main thing I wish to impart. There are jokes all over social media about how you can finally now write the great american novel, etc. So many of my clients/students/community members are feeling completely stranded - some because they have a lot more time now, and unstructured time (in terms of the regular external structure). Those folks feel as if they should be able to "take advantage of this time" but find they can't. My friends. It hasn't been that long. Please give yourself some space to adjust. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Decide on a time in a week or two when you can touch back in on the things you WANT to do with your time, and in the meantime, let yourself grieve, freak out, eat all the things, sleep a lot. Please.
Even if you do have more time, your time is different now - filled with "panic scrolling" or needing more sleep, for instance. It's going to take time to adjust to having more time. Take that time.
And I want to point out that lots of people actually have LESS time now - they were retired but an adult child with special needs is moving back in, they work on the "frontlines" and are in hospital or care facilities 24/7. Or they are suddenly working from home - with all their kids at home, all needing their energy, too. Or their work (like mine) is indirectly needed in this moment and - and we are grateful - not yet threatened by the economy or lay offs. Those folks might feel confused by the messages directed at the supposed majority (I suspect it's not the majority, by the way), joking about what to do with all this free time.
Many of the people I follow on instagram in particular are fiercely socialist or anti-capitalist, and they are reminding all of us not to get caught up in the "trap of productivity" for our desired projects. If your time is yours right now - good or bad news of being laid off, not having to commute two hours a day, etc - then please own it lovingly.
Don't let the idea that "only work and product mean you have 'spent' (sic) your time well. " Approach your creativity and care with a different lens, as much as is possible, during this time.
We all have strengths, skills, resilience and survival, thriving skills, even. Once you are ready to start figuring out how to engage with this time - less or more or just different - please ask yourself some of the following questions. It's best if you can ask your body, ask your intuition - perhaps using your non-dominant hand - rather than your conscious thinking mind.
1. What would really help me and others right now that I can do?
2. What do I need in order to get through this time that is available to me?
3. How can I structure the time I have in a way that is flexible but also holds me?
4. How can I make choices that are intentional adaptations*** rather than reaction/backsliding?
5. How can I practice flowing with changes now instead of trying to control them? Where do I feel adaptation in my body versus control?
6. (If you are working on a creative project) How can I relax/adapt my previous schedule/expectations and instead play with asking "What if" and using my imagination and let it emerge?
Right now, none of us have any idea what will happen next. None. Of. Us. That is ALWAYS true but it's so obvious right now, especially for those of us who are white, cisgender, and used to comfort and ease and the privileges that let us pretend we are in control. Now is a time to make it up as we go along, to imagine new possibilities and to tap into the wisdom of our ancestors. There are many, many people on this planet who have had to deal with the kind of ongoing uncertainty that a lot of us are not used to and now are being subjected to. Please read works by People of Color, especially Black folks; by visionaries (including fiction); by women and radicals.
Something new is emerging, always, but we are at the edge of something huge right now. Dive in as much as you can or go in gently and slowly, but try to let yourself stay curious - about yourself and the world during this time. The Four Step Practice will help you connect with what is really going on for you, and that awareness leads to conscious choice.
Share what is helping below, share this blog post if it helped you.
Sending you a love that is immune to virus,
Miriam
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*I recognize the North American tendency to assume everyone is going through what we are going through at the same time. Europe is ahead of us with the virus, especially Italy, and China is ahead of us all.
**I have recently learned that in addition to the original three responses - fight, flight, freeze - researchers have named a fourth response: fawn. Please read about it if you haven't. Powerful stuff, especially when it comes to codependency and white fragility!
***Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown is great medicine for this time! So is Hope in the Dark by Rebecca Solnit.
Thank you , Miriam.
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