Besides noticing patterns, I am deciding to allow events to pass, things to happen - without reacting.
What happens when I react, I look away from the window I have been staring at. Why do I stare at windows? I try to deduce the difference between "seeing through" and "looking at"...
Resolutions are futile, I realize that I will take the direction I need to take most - talking sense is useless! Starting work again tomorrow, daring to be drawn back to feelings of complacency. From feeling left-out to having nothing to say, being dumbed down by seniority.
I am breathing deep now. Very deep. I came home exhausted, the sun had set too soon? Felt like going to a temple, what is happening to my unrelenting drive?
Moving about unresolved through the day, moss grows in my eyes. I am playing with the potency of my imagination, how many roads more to go, before I can write my name on a plain piece of paper; and know it as such.
Slow sleep, slowly waking up to the same to-do list, the same confusion. when will I get to go away again?
This sounds very much like meditation in action, Prayas. Seems you are practicing without needing confines of sitting!
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I like this seeing through/looking at. And I see (ha ha) that as directly linked to resolutions - resolve to do or not do, to go through or to project projects onto a surface.
You may be closer than you think. Thin veils are all you are struggling with, it seems from here. Spider webs. They are very tough thread, but they are just threads.