Have been alone all weekend - manju's been off to a meditation course. What have I done?
I remember once I had gone to meet one of my father's friend. He worked in a funding agency in Delhi. I was talking excitedly about a project. He heard me out and then said, "Everyone is getting too productive. Productivity cannot be the only criterea."
Everytime I read about poeple meditating, I feel left out. I have to hold myself down and let myself meditate. I always fear the world will pass me by. I know, now - it will never happen. I should go back to Vipassana? Sit silent, seven stanzas and not budge.
What happens when someone calls me on the phone and reminds me, I am late? I rush. I wear my slippers, grab my keys - eye the door.
Will I be able to secure enough funds for my film? I jump out of the window. Sent out three applications today...
Amazing how the most productive feeling things can of course be the most empty. A sure sign is when all I can recall is a list.
ReplyDeleteNot a feeling. When I meditate, when I have spent time meditating, I can recall feeling.
It is in the moment you make the film, moments by moments. The same with each application. This will only be "produced" that way as well. It is good to relax into this.