Compassionate Communications, a spontaneous essay I recorded while driving.
The more I practice any of the practices I teach and study, the more I
find that communication is the crucial crux. Verbal, visual, physical.
Please listen to this spontaneous audio essay I composed on this - all
of the forms of communication, not just the "usual" auditory kind.
The most crucial Non-violent communication for me is internal - in how
we address ourselves.
Visit websites for more information:
Center for Non-Violent Communication
Green Light Conversations
Five Keys to Mindful Communication
THE ART OF LIVING
Ten Tips For Compassionate Communication
By Paul Shippee
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), sometimes called Compassionate
Communication, is a way of being and a way of speaking that connects you
more deeply to yourself and to others. It is a daily practice of increasing
awareness that has both spiritual and practical benefits. It is a personal
and a relational practice that sheds light on wrong-doing and reduces
life-alienating communication. NVC has the potential to create harmony and
mutual understanding, to regard all conflict as opportunity, and to make
life wonderful in the present moment. Here are ten tips for how you can
practice the art of living with NVC:
1. Recognize and acknowledge the larger story that everyone¹s basic
nature is compassion and basic goodness.
2. Identify your own obstacles to compassion and empathy such as old
beliefs, thoughts, and habitual patterns of defensive behavior, for example,
blaming, judging, one-upmanship, misplaced anger and sarcasm.
3. Cultivate emotional awareness in the present moment so that your inner
reactivity is not projected outward onto others; become precisely aware and
accepting of feelings as they arise and pass through you.
4. When triggered emotionally, realize that no one can cause you to feel
emotions such as irritation, hurt, impatience, anger, fear, happiness,
fulfillment, etc. Instead each person is responsible for his/her own
emotional responses, feelings and reactions.
5. Practice making neutral and factual observations of situations and
events instead of evaluations, projections, and judgments.
1. Work continuously with your impulse that wants to make others (or self)
2. Learn how to clearly identify and express your basic and common deep
human needs without shameŠneeds like belonging, autonomy, connection, love
3. Practice requesting what you¹d like from others without making a demand.
4. Look inside at your inner motivation for blaming, complaining, shaming
and other defensive behaviors that make others wrong.
5. Recognize your anger as a signal; use it to connect with your primal
feelings of hurt or fear that may lie hidden beneath anger and blame.
This personal, earthy inner work is often regarded as preliminary (or
parallel) to spiritual practices in order to overcome ³spiritual bypassing,²
which is using spirituality as an escape from the hard work of developing
one¹s basic healthy ground of emotional awareness. NVC is a challenging and
rewarding practice that leads to transformation in self-awareness and how we
relate to others. It is a process of uncovering and discovering who and what
we really are, and as such often includes uncomfortable aspects as well as
comfortable and joyful experiences. Some would call it soul work on the
earthy plane of feeling and emotions, in preparation for spiritual
development. It involves cultivating awareness of what actually happens when
genuinely connecting or absently disconnecting in relationship with others.
Presently there are three ongoing NVC practice groups that meet bi-monthly
in Crestone. Call 256-4656 for more information.