Somehow, it feels like I am on vacation, though I have 246 un-dealt-with emails in my inbox and lots of final papers to grade and final grades to give. The tightness I have felt for weeks between my shoulder blades, which radiated in particular out on my left side into my tricep, is loosened, almost non-existent. My summer, still working, but on a totally different schedule, rolls out in front of me; Tuesday night farmer's market, summer school, bike rides, retreats both attended and taught. Somehow expansive days in which I do nothing but write and a small amount of paperwork really do balance out being gone for weekends on end and a couple of whole weeks of my life filled with 12 year old's poetry.
This last weekend, we spent a chunk of time really breaking down our kitchen. With a borrowed sawsall we chopped up our counter and cut out old ratty cabinets in the kitchen. Out came laundry poles uselessly parallel to each other in the backyard. Weeds and dandelions, invasive grasses, crumpled chunks of concrete: even unusused shoes, too-tight pants packed up and given or put away. All done. Give us some space to let the chaos of summer run loose in our house.
For now it feels good to not know for sure, to be unmoored. Out of that chaos can come creativity. I'm not talking drunken day-wasting chaos, but the natural dis-order of things as they are. I invite it all in, move around in our space and re-inspire me, give me my breath back.
so glad you're feeling better physically. that muscle tightness sounded agonizing and i'm glad it has abated.
ReplyDeletei feel so differently from you about days of chaos and un-moored-ness. i'm terrified. frankly, terrified. "drunken, day-wasting chaos" is my forte.
i also feel differently from you about things like taking a sawsall to the counter and hauling crumpled chunks of concrete out of the backyard. the ideas fill me with horror.
sorry, is this my blog or yours? i.e., i don't mean to babble on about myself. i'm happy for you re what you've accomplished and how much you look forward to the summer, and i hope that you find the chaos to be a source of creativity and creation.
I certainly don't normally like sawsalling things apart, nor do I even like summer, usually. Somehow this weekend felt different. A couple of weeks ago I blogged about how much I hated this upcoming season and strong sense of change.
ReplyDeleteGo figger. But there is no "ongoing" have to respond that way, I guess, is more what I am saying. Sometimes unmoored feels as ok as it really is. Often it doesn't. That's ok too!
Love you!
Miri