Monday, May 29, 2006

figuring out the confusion from the mess

Back in this familiar space, after quite a while. This blog feels like a nice personal space, something I quite think of in terms of an alternative web avatar. A rushed and unexpected trip to Chicago and now am back home, waiting for M to join me tomorrow.

Been watching a lot of movies. Been sleeping very bad... But have been drawing and writing fairly regularly, and that has been holding the strands of sanity together for me.

I woke up at 3 p.m. yesterday. Been out photographing late nights for my film, running behind schedule on it.

What does it mean, to be standing behind the blue curtain in my room, peeping out. All my clothes are in the wash, I am wondering how I can go out?

A torrent of stuff I want to do, and no one to bore with hyper-listen-me-up! Watching TV, TV, TV.

When I am alone, all I try to focus is being at peace with myself, else I go flying - searching for ways to hide, ways to delude myself.

It is very how in Mumbai - touch 35 C now, I think. How do I persuade the heat my mind is on to melt away, vapourize, give way? We need to look for a bigger house, I need to set up a studio space for myself...

Meeting up old friends is much more comfortable! I'd much rather network with people I've already met and connected with than hoard-up on new connections...

If a clock is set back by 5 minutes every 10 minutes, how off would it be at any given moment?

I seldom need an alarm clock to wake up, I can just worry myself awake. I think that I want to wake up 5 a.m. and I wake up at 5, bang.

So all night, I am curled up in an uneasy dream, ready to wake up, and I am ok with that. Why am I ok with that? Shouldn't I need more comfort/ease for myself? I am going down a waterfall in a paper-boat.

1 comment:

  1. "torrent of stuff I want to do/watching tv tv tv."
    has this american syndrome been exported, or is it everywhere and only the tv has been exported? i'd vote the latter. how attached we are to not loving our lives sometimes...

    i love networking with older friends now, too. it is a time in my life in particular to really go back over what i have done and deepen there. i am still spreading out, but also deepening now.

    "if a clock is set" - i like this take on two steps forward, one step back...

    "i can just worry myself awake" yikes. tell me about it. folk with energy like ours have our detriments, too. that's one of em.

    paperboat on waterfall shows yes, the strain, but also the delicate beauty of your state...

    i am planning on coming next spring!