Friday, September 23, 2005

A Friday Which Could Have Been a Sunday

All day, it has been raining. The rain blurs out my mind as if it were a non-entity.

I lost my job. And I did now even understand when. Actually, I am not supposed to know what happened. This sort of thing always makes me feel bad. I was doing good work for the organization, I had good plans for them, I wasn't charging them too much. I was offered a part-time job after three months of consulting. And then nothing. Nothing. Shhh. I feel lost (for a week at least) after something like this happens. I allow myself.

Today that week is over.

My BA (correspondence) has finally begun! If all goes well, in three years I get a degree. Then I plan for my masters more realistically.

All of today was spent researching on "social software". A small group of people is trying very hard to get more and more in touch with each other. Eventually everyone will feel so hassled there will be a deluge - mass introversion?

Am working on three things in the next three months. Start my services company (to be called "qualiflower"), to initiate a self-help group for artists in ahmedabad (to be called "greenroots") and to move ahead with my film.

A week's break - with manju and rachel - will be good. Getting out of Ahmedabad just to relax - a real vacation! - will be fun.

Missing therapy. Got a mail from one of my old therapists! He is in London, studying further. Can't seem to find someone anymore. Am totally isolated - friends just call up to take numbers of other friends. No one has anything to talk to me. Do I frighten people?

Missing good weather, missing being oblivious to the future, to a formula. Missing being immersed in beauty, having no words to say.


  1. Mass introversion.


    New projects require losing old work. Hard but significant.

    You have mentioned a few times this sadness, this loss of friends, this phone numbers leading to nowhere. I wonder if others are in a similar transition as you, with work, with life? Funny (sad) how solidarity falters just when it seems you need it most...

    Anyway, I am listening. Closely.

  2. I resonate with this sense of loss, I love the imagery you conjure to express it. I'm sorry you lost your job. Structure is helpful, being needed is helpful. I could say, don't take it personally, but what do I know?