You had talked yesterday about how you can deal tangibly with your ideas now. You don't rush at them, allow them to unfold gradually, take it on step by step.
I have slowly seen how I am slowing down. I work less, seek more re-assurance. The process of making this film, "Something to say" is going to be a test. Perfect the script, show it around, get the money, get the team, get the cast, direct it, edit it, try to distribute, send to festivals, do PR, think about next film...
That is the only way to do it.
I am very much off the internet's promise of immediate, quick and easy solutions. I have wasted a lot of time chasing those. I have a horde of domain names registered which I never developed in to online presences... waste, waste, waste.
More about the bookshop, Corner Book Shop is an effort to set up a network of neighbourhood bookshops. Each bookshop with a collection, which is customized to the local interests and needs. Intresting collection, a good representation of the small press too.
Am trying to mould some regular habits now - write regularly, read regularly, submit regularly. I have been haphazard for too long. Every day a different moralism dawns on me, I try to justify different things. Had a talk with my father yesterday after a long time, didn't feel too bad. I tried not to develop automatic arguments in my head for everything he said.
Have started a new series of photo-poems (I completed the one I was doing on the hoardings in Ahmedabad) will post you a link soon.
There are constant demands on my time and attention. This is the opposite of loneliness. This is overpopulation, attempt to develop a democracy in the flow of my energies? She will after the guests have gone away turn towards me and shower accusations. I question, Am I your mouthpiece? She says I do not understand broken families, I say she doesn't understand unbroken ones. And then a song develops out of the din and we have to open the doors and the windows. Let fresh air flow again. Why am I bringing this in in this space? Have no other space to take it to. I need to vent it out.
Today was a Monday, but I still have nowhere to go. My two-month assignment with Chetna is nearly over - I have completed two out of three tasks and am confused about the third. Maybe, will let it pass. Then again, search for work, search for work, search for work - work on my script...
Why do I think so far ahead. The far ahead gives meaning to the emptiness of today. Ideas are like balloons, selling cheap and waiting to be burst open, poof.